
Heaven or Hell?



• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony


All writers have this vague hope that the elves will come in the night and finish any stories.
—Neil Gaiman

Mouse to cat: “Well, you don’t look like an experimental psychologist to me.”


One thing I’ve learned about self-publishing is that the quality of your book often does not determine how well it sells.
Marketers always sell the sizzle — not the steak. And no one knows this better than the headline writers at the New York Post.
Two billionaires — Jeff Bezos of Amazon and the Washington Post and David Pecker of the National Enquirer — have a spat. Bezos complains that stories in the National Enquirer are politically motivated. The Enquirer tries to blackmail Bezos with sensitive information when Bezos decides to publicize the information himself.
If Bezos wasn’t afraid of the blackmail threat. was there even a story here? Let’s see how the New York Post covered it…

Genius.

Back to School — It’s right around the corner!
Stay safe, everyone!

While celebrating my wedding anniversary this weekend, it occurred to me that after so many years what is really important in life is to find someone who loves you and complements you…strong where you are weak, and weak where you can be strong. Someone who can help you become your best version of yourself.
“You complete me,” I said to me bride.
“Can’t you ever be original?” she replied.