Attention All Word Nerds…

Photo: Hermione Grainger

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out — we don’t serve your type.”

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

Published by

P. K. Abbot

P. K. Abbot writes character-rich thrillers. His Jersey Murder Series are exciting crime novels with very twisty endings. Before writing full time, he had a fascinating occupation. For twenty-five years he worked as a professional buyer in two different industries. In his career, he met hundreds of remarkable people and traveled to Europe and throughout the United States. On February 21, 2011, he experienced a life-changing event. On that day he went into V-fib — ventricular fibrillation. He would have died that afternoon, but his implanted defibrillator discharged seven times within two minutes that day. After the fourth intensive shock to his heart, he questioned if he would have the stamina to survive the ordeal, but survive he did. He spent the next thirteen days in cardiac intensive care in the hospital and the following four months in recovery at home. After that experience, he decided to devote himself to writing, and he has been writing full time ever since. He grew up around Trenton, New Jersey and attended high school and college in Philadelphia, where he studied writing, languages, and history. He also served for six years as a military policeman in the United States Army National Guard. Today he is the proud father of two talented young women, and he lives in a small town in southern New Jersey with his wife and dozens of imaginary characters.

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